First of all I have to say, I can’t believe I signed up to do this challenge. Doesn’t anyone know how busy I am? hehe Ok, I’m kidding but seriously, I really felt like God was nudging me to do this and today I had already seen a change in myself.
For those of you who don’t know, I am a Single Mom. I have been since Kira was 3 months old. <Insert exhaustion face here>
Not only am I a single mom, but I’m a full-time, self-employed working, single,mom. Sigh.
The last 4 years have definitely not been easy and I have seen the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Through this process, I have pushed my self wayyyy beyond my limits because the rebellious side of me has always seen things as well, limitless.
Today, there was so much tugging at my heart in what I wanted to write about, which at least tells me I picked a good topic. But mostly today, I felt the need to let go of trying to be everything and just be.
Just as simple as that.
And what I mean by just “being” is to not answer my phone after I picked Kira up from school. To not text, tweet, or engage with anyone but her because most of the time I am too busy trying to be all of these things in life to my friends, my family, my business and to EVERYONE. All the while, she just wants me and needs me to BE PRESENT. Here and now. For those few hours a day that we do get to spend time together. Not talking on the phone while I have her doing a puzzle, but sitting beside her and doing the puzzle with her with my phone turned off.
What a freeing evening I had. Honestly, I can’t remember the last time I felt this present.
I felt like those emails I didn’t answer were not going to matter. That text I didn’t respond to would be there at 8pm when she goes to bed to respond to.
Being present is the hardest thing to do these days and I felt so much inner peace today just letting go of all of the stuff that needed tending to and tending to the most precious gift I have ever received; Miss Kira Marie.
Today, I let go of of being everything to everyone and decided first and foremost, I was going to be everything to my sweet baby girl. And in being that, I just needed to be present. And in return, I feel like I am finally being everything I have needed to be. It was the most calming evening I can remember and God brought so much inner peace to my life tonight.
Ringer off. Goodnight!